Regarding emotion is an important part of creating a safe and connected home.
Before I learned the Connection Codes I thought emotion was voluntary. I thought emotion needed to be eradicated. I thought emotion came from an unclean, untrained heart. I thought my job as a parent was to teach my children to be joyful, ideally, at all times. In short, I thought emotion was bad.
So when I gave birth to our highly-sensitive, highly-emotional, highly-expressive child, my world turned upside down. I thought I needed to change him. Every day I questioned what was wrong with him, or me, or both.
Thank goodness I have now been given the gift of the Connection Codes. The Connection Codes have taught me that emotions happen to us, that none of the core emotions are bad, that every emotion has a purpose. Now I understand that my job is not to stifle or eradicate my own or my child’s emotion. My job is to process my emotion and help him process his emotion. This paradigm shift has dramatically improved our moments, and thus our life.
Now I see that when I regard my child’s emotion, I regard my child. Every child (and adult) wants this. And while every parent I know has good intentions and wants connection with their child (as I did and do), every parent I know disregards their child’s emotion, whether frequently or only on occasion. So I’ve been thinking lately...why do we do this?
WHY WE RESPOND AS WE DO:
1) GOOD INTENTIONS: We want our children to be resilient and healthy and happy. We resist their emotion because we believe that is how we teach them to be and to feel better.
2) WE HURT WHEN OUR CHILDREN HURT: It is uncomfortable, excruciating sometimes, to see our children unhappy so we are compelled to stop their hurt as quickly as possible.
3) WE ARE LOW ON EEUS (Emotional Energy Units): We are not processing our own emotions, their pain causes us more pain, the cycle continues.
4) WE ARE IN A HURRY AND/OR DISTRACTED: We are trying to cook dinner or be somewhere on time or get the kids to bed at a decent hour and we do not feel we have the TIME to process emotion with them.
Despite good intentions, I am guilty of disregarding my children’s emotion for all of the reasons above.
I didn’t need better intentions. I needed better tools.
Stay tuned for the Connection Codes tools that transformed my understanding of emotion, my parenting and our home!